Asexual / Kinksexual ?
One of the many reasons for my establishing this journal is an interest in putting into words and working out for myself (and perhaps discussing with others) some of the interesting contradictions in my sexuality. One such seeming contradiction is that although I consider myself kinky, I also appear to be relatively asexual.

There are two common types of asexuality when it comes to human sexuality. One is people who don't experience sexual attraction to others. The other is people who can perhaps be romantically attracted to others, but find sexual behavior to be unappealing. And then there are people who are a mix of both.

The way I describe my own "form" of asexuality is that I don't seem to experience any sort of sexual attraction to either gender. I also don't get turned on by sexual acts of the variety where any sort of penetration is involved, and in fact find some of them to be outright unappealing (oral -- giving or receiving -- just seems kind of "icky" to me). However, I'm not unsexual...yet it seems like the only things that are really able to turn me on are my silly kinks (bondage, control, objectification, and transformation). Perhaps it'd be more accurate to describe myself then as "kinksexual"? ;-)

It's frustrating to me sometimes, though, that I don't seem to get turned on like "normal people" do...like, is something wrong with me? And how many others like me exist? I've met at least one other, so I know there are more people like this...but how many are there? And will I ever find one who is compatible with me and everything I am?

Because even though I'm not sexually attracted to others -- don't get turned on by bodies -- I guess I can perhaps still be romantically attracted to a person, if the connection is there / if our interests match. Fortunately I don't feel *too* intense a drive to find a companion, perferring to just kind of let it happen if it happens...but I still think about it occasionally. How nice it'd be to have a companion to share not only non-kinky interests with, but who I could have fun with in kinky play. A person of any gender, since I'm so generally indifferent when it comes to attraction (I tend to list "bi" as sexuality when it comes up).

I dunno. I guess all I can hope for, since I've had such a hard time finding others, is that by putting myself out there via places like this journal, my CollarMe profile, my Yahoo profile, etc., that maybe one of them (within my age range) will find me?