Hello, I am known as K-8 (aka "conscious_object"). Here I keep a fetish blog with a (skewed) sense of humor. Contained herein you will find my various random thoughts on my unique fetishes, and interesting finds culled from all over the intarweb, including art by my friends, and sometimes my own art.

Note: You do not need to have a Livejournal account in order to reply to an entry, as I have "anonymous posting" enabled. Just make sure to sign your name at the bottom, or I'll have no idea which comments are yours.

Kind of a delayed reaction, but for whatever reason I'd been sort of putting off for awhile now writing entries that I knew would involve actual thought to write. ;-P

Three or four weeks ago two different friends pointed me to that week's installment of "Savage Love" by Dan Savage, where he addresses a question about a hypno fetish. The three letters and answers that follow it are a little more silly, but the first one I found relevant enough to this blog to post about here, with my own additional thoughts:

I'm an early-20s gay guy turned on by hypnosis. During my adolescent explorations of the internet, I found a site with stories about "mind control," usually involving the seduction of straight men. I was hooked. I'm not beating myself up for being a "bad person," because my desire to try this in real life is nil for reasons of its impossibility (true hypnosis is something different and I am effectively fantasizing about magic) and immorality (sex without consent is rape). For the latter reason especially, I'm rather uncomfortable with my "addiction" to this fantasy.

Apart from the fact that this suggests I may have some serious sexual-control issues, I was wondering if you had any ideas for weaning yourself from a fantasy. This is not something I'm interested in "accepting." My attempts at incorporating alternate fantasies into my repertoire have failed.

--Stop Thinking About That


Sexual-control issues? Sure, STAT, you've got some of those. But serious sexual-control issues? Hardly.

A desire to sexually control others, or be sexually controlled by others, is at the root of almost all sexual fantasies and fetishes, from foot fetishes to goop fetishes to BDSM. So there's no need to feel like a freak, okay? And you're clearly not a bad person, as you recognized on your own that your particular sexual-control fantasy is immoral (sex without consent is rape) and impossible (hypnosis doesn't work that way). So cut yourself some slack.

Reading your letter, some folks will blame the internet for your predicament. There you were, minding your own business, beating off in front of your computer, when a hypno-fetish site seized your screen and took over your sex life. That's not how it works. Running across that hypno porn didn't instill in you a desire to sexually control others, STAT; it tapped into a desire for sexual control that was already there. A desire to sexually control others was already part of your erotic imagination; that hypno site just lit your fuse.

The only way to wean yourself from your hypno fetish now, STAT, is to accept your bedrock fantasy, which is sexual control, and explore other ways of indulging it. I suspect the "alternate fantasies" you attempted to incorporate into your sex life didn't include aspects of sexual control, which would explain why your efforts failed. You won't move your fantasies away from hypno until you find something that satisfies those bedrock desires for sexual control. So find yourself a guy who wants to be controlled, which isn't that hard to do, and explore dom/sub role-play or bondage or S&M with him, and your hypno fetish may fade away.

Finally, STAT, there are lots of guys out there who fantasize about being hypnotized and seduced—it's too bad you've ruled them out as sex partners.

I was glad to have pointed to this for several reasons, particularly that I can relate to an extent with the person's uncomfortableness with their fetish, and appreciated Savage's informed, thoughtful response of "it's not as uncommon as you think, don't worry too much about it." I also thought it was fascinating (from an intellectual standpoint) hearing an example of a gay man's erotic fantasy, since I hetero fantasies seem much more common to read about.

It also got me thinking about the possible connection to his particular "rape fantasy" and the societal pressure that exists out there towards homosexuals. For example, some time ago I was reading up a little on the existence of female rape fantasies, and potential theories as to the "why." One idea that seemed quite plausible to me, is that it's down to societal pressure women encounter growing up, the stereotype of their being essentially two "types" of woman: the whore and the virgin. You're either sweet and innocent, or a promiscuous slut (whereas guys are never looked down upon -- and in fact are able to brag with other guys -- about how much sex they've had...unless they're doing it after they're married). What a rape fantasy allows, is for the woman to experience sexual pleasure in their fantasy, while being able to avoid seeming sex-crazed by making the sex not under their control. Does that make sense?

And of course, few women who harbor rape fantasies actually want to be raped in reality. The fantasy may be of unconsensual sex, but because it's all taking place in the woman's head, she is ultimately still the one in control. To paraphrase an thought I once read elsewhere: if she chose to follow up the rape by transforming into a large creature and devouring the rapist, that'd be completely within her capability, because it's *her fantasy.*

So I wonder if this person's particular variation on a rape fantasy similarly has to do with societal pressure (in this case, the constant barrage of indications growing up that being gay is "wrong"). A fantasy wherein a "straight" man is made to have gay sex via mind-control would allow someone to have sex with another man, without having to deal with any of the societal guilt of doing it of your own volition...because it was out of your control.

I don't know for sure if that might be the case with this particular individual (or even whether he'd be consciously aware that was the case), but I couldn't help but see some possible parallels there.

It also gets me thinking about some of my other fetishes, and how a connection could be made between them and discomfort with myself. My interest in transformation likely has a lot to do with body issues. And then there's my interest in being bound or otherwise firmly controlled during sexual acts, which might be partially related to whore/virgin dichotomy theory thing, but I can also see a strong connection just to my basic thoughts on sexuality in general growing up. In particular: that I grew up very Conservative Christian.

And it's not like Conservative-brand Christianity was strongly forced upon me or anything. I somehow ended up with more Conservative ideals than even my parents, at one point in junior high deciding that Halloween was an evil holiday and that I was not going to support it (and at one point even contemplated giving out little mini-Bible things instead of candy, though fortunately I never went through with that). I kid you not.

This conservativeness extended into thoughts on sex. My parents never told us (my siblings and I) that sex was bad or wrong, only that it was better to wait until marriage. Yet somehow I'd gotten it in my head that anything sexual was shameful or sinful before marriage...including *masturbation.* I don't think my parents ever discussed masturbation with us, so I have no idea how I came to this conclusion. But I definitely had this notion in my head that masturbation was, at the very least, dirty and shameful.

So maybe that's why I came to develop a fetish for being controlled? If I'm all bound up or mind-controlled and can't do anything about the sensations I'm receiving, then I never really had an active role in the pleasure...it wasn't of my doing. The only odd thing about control fantasies and fetishes, is this is the case (and if that was the case for the individual who wrote into Dan Savage), it's so odd how these things stick around even after a person has come to terms with their sexuality. For whatever reason, my control and bondage fantasies still hang around, and are the main thing that get me turned on. (Or have I just not come to *enough* acceptance yet...?)

I also wonder about *why* would the brain even carry such a function? What purpose does the development of fetishes serve? Not to mention, why do only some people develop fetishes who may've had a particular experience, and another with the same might not? (And also curious what sort of circumstances might lead to the development of fetishes for those whole like to be the control-er rather than control-ee.) The brain is a fascinating and confusing machine.

So have any of you ever noticed potential connections between fetishes or sexual interests with things encountered growing up? (I'd add "or am I just over-thinking things?", but I already know I have a tendency to do that. ;-P)

I'm not sure if I'd written about it previously, or only talked about it with a few friends in IM, but one thing that's been on my mind ever since I started acknowledging and exploring this part of me the subject of objectification. In particular, the seeming contradiction that I am offended by the objectification of women in society, yet simultaneously in a certain context am attracted to *literal* objectification. Which actually really bothered me for awhile. I was having a hard time figuring out just what it was about the version that I did like, and the version I didn't...and felt really wrong that I supported any type of objectification.

But relatively recently, I've sort of come to terms with it, and have actually managed to figure out just what the difference is between the two. It's so simple, actually, I'm surprised it took me as long as it did.

The difference between the two, is that one is consensual objectification, and the other is nonconsensual. Consensual objectification is like when I have essentially *given permission* from someone to objectify me (treat/refer to me as an object), and is usually primarily by good friends of mine. Being objectified for me is okay in that context (and even erotic to an extent ;-)). When it becomes not okay is when a complete stranger does so, in a context that I am not comfortable with (for example: in professional life, etc.). The one form of objectification can sometimes turn me on...the other very much gets under my skin.

That is not to say that the only form of consensual objectification is one where a person *verbally* gives permission. There are some ways in which a person has unspokenly allowed themselves to be objectified. For example, a model posing for Playboy, and erotic magazine where the women are fully aware they are going to be objectified by appearing in there. They are aware of the context their photos are going to be used in, and thus have consented to being objectified.

The problem comes in when people are unable to see that difference, and in particular people who are unable to see the opposite sex as equal human beings, thinking of them first and formost as pretty objects to be gazed at. Prizes to be won. Or taken. It's okay to admire a person's beauty, of course, or to critique one's look -- we all do that to some extent, whether consciously or not. But when I have issue with it is when it becomes disrespectful to a person, viewing them as a pretty object first, as decoration, and a human being second. (I keep thinking about a particular instance I came across on a popular comic book news site: a woman was announced as the new Editor In Chief of a particular company, and included a publicity-style photo of her. The reaction of a handful of immature males was "wow, and she's hot too!") I allow a friends to refer to me as an object in particular contexts, I know that they that on a core level, they still acknowledge me as a person -- a thinking being -- and respect me. Being respected is very important to me.

Anyways, so those are my ramble-y thoughts on the topic...I'm still working out for myself the fine differences between the two -- in what contexts it's okay, and what contexts it's not. Thoughts? Comments?

From a few recent messages on the House Of Gord Yahoo Group, where he relates just what his site is all about:

We are about high tech, beyond the edge, super tight bondage. We are about women who have been enhanced to look even sexier (if that is possible) We are about playing with a lady's own powerful libido and using it against her to produce pleasurable sensations in her form.

We are not about real humiliation or degradation of women, and there is no malice in our play style.

Our women do not give up their personality, they consensually give up their freedom to express it for the duration of a bondage game.

It isn't about mindbending a woman into a subservient chattel, it is more like caging a dangerous tigeress for a fleeting moment of real control. The tigeress is no less dangerous because it is caged, just momentarily controlled. She is still a magnificent beast with a mind of her own.

The stronger she is, mentally/physically, the greater the illusion of finally getting control. I guess my ultimate fantasy image is the bound lady glaring at the bondage master as she tests her bonds. The eye message is,

"DUDE, when I get out of this I'm gonna find the pruning shears and modify your family jewels with extreme predjudice."

Oh course she ends up wet, wrung out, orgasmed out, and in no mood to go looking for the pruning shears whilst in a daze of warm fulfulment.

Gord amuses me. ^_^

Just to warn you, the following entry might deal with a little more heavy subject matter than I usually post here.

The next morning after I posted that RP log, I was thinking a little bit about how some of the interests I talk about here tend to scare me somewhat. They scare me for a few reasons, one being that they seem so abnormal to me, and another being that, in a different context, a number of these are things I'd never want to actually happen to me.

For example, in that RP log (hopefully you've already read it, because I don't want to ruin the surprise ;-)) there's a point where the character has the arms removed from her android body. In the context of a temporary situation that can later be undone, being armless kind of fascinates me. Like, what would that *feel* like? Not being able to feel something that was there only moments ago. The torso feeling lighter, suddenly freed of that weight. The mindfuck of no longer having those useful limbs at ones disposal...and the further mindfuck of perhaps seeing those limbs set down off to the side. Those ideas tickle my brain for reasons I don't entirely understand. If there were a way to experience that on just a completely temporary basis, I would be extremely fascinated to try.

On the other hand, in the context of something permanent and irreversable would be beyond devastating. My arms - and in particular, my hands - mean the world to me. For one thing, art is my life. Being unable to draw is unimaginably depressing to me. Add in being unable to play guitar, or even use a mouse or keyboard...losing my arms would mean losing my will to live.

This is only one such example - there are so many things I can think of that on a temporary level appeal to me in a kinky sort of way...but that if made permanent (or in some cases, if even brought into the realm of reality) would be the worst thing ever.

I was particularly contemplative and disturbed last night, after watching Million Dollar Baby for the first time.

( Movie SPOILERS Follow - Just Giving You A Warning )

So I roleplay ASFR-ish stuff online on occasion, and thought I might start posting some of them here (cleaned up and edited to flow better), in case of the chance someone might actually be interested in reading. My most favorite-est RP partner, adencb, is going to be away for a month or so. I hadn't done an RP in quite awhile (due to my never being in the right mood), but since it'll be a long while until we'll be able to do another, we thought we'd take the opportunity to have some fun last night.

This was actually a little different than most of the ones we've done in the past, which tend to be along the lines of the girl being forced into an unwilling situation where control is lost. This night, we were both in the mood for something more consensual, and it was a fun change of pace. The characters remaining friendly - rather than my character completely despising her controller - meant that I was able to let some of my regular personality show through (as EHY put it: "that 'sarcastic/smart-ass side' of yours is fun," lol).

( Click Here To Read The Story... )