Hello, I am known as K-8 (aka "conscious_object"). Here I keep a fetish blog with a (skewed) sense of humor. Contained herein you will find my various random thoughts on my unique fetishes, and interesting finds culled from all over the intarweb, including art by my friends, and sometimes my own art.

Note: You do not need to have a Livejournal account in order to reply to an entry, as I have "anonymous posting" enabled. Just make sure to sign your name at the bottom, or I'll have no idea which comments are yours.

This play party was unique for me, aside from just taking place in a barn, in that it was the first play party where I've actually been played with. I was tied up at a previous party, but there was no play, just chilling out while bound. This time there was play, and it was kinda different having an audience, it was pretty fun.

I arrived in plain clothes, partly because I knew driving in my knew boots would not be very realistic, and also because I wasn't actually sure what I felt like wearing exactly, or if I'd feel like wearing anything fetish at all. I brought a bag with me that had the black outfit, and the ragdoll and silver zentai outfits from awhile back.

The barn contained various rigs to tie people to for scene-ing. The most interesting-looking was a suspension rig hanging from the ceiling. It looked like an oversize trapeze, a large triangle that cuffs could be fixed to, attached to a pulley at the ceiling allowing the height to be adjustable. Several of us tried out swinging on it a little. A friend pointed also out to me a ladder that went to a second level area without walls, that he thinks would be perfect for a puppet scene if some pullies and things were set up over there. Perhaps at another barn party we'll figure out how to make that happen.

After chit-chatting and hanging out for several hours, I was starting to feel a little more comfortable and at ease (social gatherings always make me a little nervous), and decided I'd give the outfit with the new boots a go. When I mentioned I'd brought a corset I was thinking of wearing, two girls I'd been chatting with both offered to help tighten it for me.

( Continue Reading )

I splurged a little. There was a play party coming up, and I wanted to wear the shiny catsuit and corset I've posted here before, but I had not suitable footwear for it. So I splurged a little and bought these buckle-y platform heel boots. (Anything over $40 I tend to call a "splurge," while anything over $100 I call "out of my price range.")

Only thing I was worried about is that the extra height it gave me would leave everyone too intimidated to, y'know, tie me up or anything. Thankfully that wasn't the case (I did get tied up, I'll talk about it more later), and actually I was really surprised by how much attention I got from my outfit. A lot more comments and compliments than I was expecting, and people asking to touch it. And exchanges like me announcing to the people I'm chatting with that I'm going to grab something from the snack table across the room quickly, and hearing in return "okay, we're just going to watch from here." I felt very objectified (in a good way). ;-)

Here's a pic of the boots with the outfit. I'll try to get a better angle of it later, but the barn the party was in makes for an interesting contrast in the background I think.

"It seems the only nudes allowed at New York City’s Metropolitan Museum of Art are the ones in the collection."

"Defense attorney Donald Schechter says the museum is full of nude art, and to call what the model and her photographer were doing obscenity 'is ridiculous.'"



Of course, the real issue this incident raises that of object rights. That museum is full of statues who are completely unable to dress themselves, and have been put on display nude. Don't they have the right to be just as covered up as the people who walk the museum freely?

On Saturday I went up with some friends to a presentation on Objectification, hosted by Femcar (of House Of Gord fame). It was a very interesting experience to say the least.

She began the presentation by getting nude, and positioning herself behind a screen that images were being projected onto. She held the bottom of the screen up with her hands so that she was only visible from the waist down, looking sort of like a projection screen with legs. She remained completely silent, while someone else read from a stream-of-consciousness piece by Femcar.

After that introduction, she stepped out from behind the screen and began her presentation. The entire presentation was given while nude. I found myself imagining some sort of joke where the age old advice to imagine your audience in their underwear went horribly wrong. ;-) Slides continued to roll the entire time, and she'd switch off between talking about what objectification means to her, and elaborating on some of the things happening in the slides.

She made a point to state right from the start that this is merely her own personal journey, and that everyone's journey is different. What she enjoys might not be what someone else enjoys. Which I think is true of any kinky interest in general, not just objectification. But I'm glad she did make that clear from the start, because there are plenty of people in the BDSM community who maybe don't understand the appeal objectification, and it'd be giving people the wrong idea to say that everyone who's into objectification is into it in the same way as Femcar.

For example, my own interest in it is very different from Femcar's. Femcar is very much into humiliation and degradation, being a disposable object, whereas I think I like to be a little more cherished an object. ;-)

She's also much less "picky" than myself when it comes to scenes, and has much fewer limits. For one, she doesn't need for there to be bondage in order to enjoy objectification. She also enjoys getting dirty, including piss, scat, etc. She says as long as she feels objectified, she just about doesn't care what's done. And as long as she's being used, she feels objectified. Rather than a physical masochist, she considers herself an emotional masochist, while I myself am not much of a masochist at all.

She's also into some things that squick out even some of the most hardcore. You think flesh hooks or scarification is intense? ( Under A Cut For Those Who'd Rather Skip )

However, the Gord slides she showed were great. I think my favorite was where she was bound to a little cart, and made into a curb-side restaurant sign. An interesting I learned: it sounds those super-tight straps do actually get a bit uncomfortable. I guess I was in denial, hoping that maybe they were merely very secure while being quite comfortable, lol. Honestly, if I ever planned a trip to the Seattle area and decided to try out for Gord, I have a feeling I'd only discover that I was too much of a wimp, particularly since I go numb pretty easy when things get really tight.

Thing is, each Gord set was in between one of these none-bondage sets. It was a little frustrating, being turned on and then squicked out by every other set. ;-)

After the presentation, she took some questions. I wanted to ask one, but I'm so not good at coming up with how I want to phrase something on the spot. I'm the type of person who, a half hour later, is like "that's what I should've said!" Right before the demo I finally managed to stumble clumsily through some question wanting to hear her thoughts on consensual vs. nonconsensual objectification. She didn't have much time to elaborate, as it was nearly time for the demo.

The demo. In the description for the event, it mentioned that the demo would be objectification-style bowling, and that there would be a chance for audience participation. Now, I don't know about you, but if you're the same variety of crazy as me, you pictured people turned into human bowling pins, encased in some sort of foam that would keep them from getting hurt when tipped over, and some sort of giant rubber ball pushed down a lane into the pins.

However, before even signing up, I dug around for more details on what this demo entailed, and discovered that Femcar's variety of crazy is a little different than mine. Her idea was essentially water sports bowling. Plastic is laid down like a slip-n-slide, with regular pins set up at one end, and Femcar as the bowling ball. To make things slippery, piss is added, which is the audience participation portion. (Some sort of lubricant was also added, in order to make things thoroughly slippery enough.) But instead of running and sliding into the pins, Femcar is bowled down the lane. She lays on her back and curls up, and a bowler places one hand in the two holes at her bottom, and the other hand either in her mouth, or grabbing her hair (which seemed to be more effective), and launches her down the lane.

I was a little hesitant about whether I wanted to stay for this part, but I did end up watching (sitting a safe distance away). I was expecting it to really reek, but luckily it didn't really smell at all, at least from where I was sitting, about ten feet away.

About ten or twelve people bowled her. As things were winding down, someone suggested she try fucking one of the pins. She did manage to get the head of one of the pins inside herself, at least it looked like, and she attempted to get the head of another pin in her mouth (which didn't work so well). With the one pin in, she suddenly started orgasming, for I don't know how long. A few minutes. After she finishes, there's complete silence, everyone looking at her. She starts getting up a little, but still on her hands and knees, looks around, and says in a quiet, kind of groggy/sleepy but cute voice "so...are there any more bowlers?" Laughter and applause.

And that was pretty much the event. I wasn't into everything being shown, but I'm glad I went overall, if just for the experience.

This is a very interesting art piece.

To me, it illustrates the ridiculousness of our society's reaction to women's nipples. The rest of a breast is fine, its just that one little area of where the skin is a darker color. And only one women, men can openly display their darker colored spots on their chest. In most areas of the U.S. it's even against the law for a woman, unless you're breastfeeding.

("Hey, do you have a permit for those?" *motions to exposed nipples*)

Utsumi pointed me to this segment from an art documentary. This Antony Gormley guy is brilliant...he's come up with the idea to create performance art pieces that involve someone else covering *him* in head-to-toe plaster. Why the hell did I not think of this?? ;-P



At the end of the clip, he elaborates on the meaning of his art:

"I am that object. And that seems to me an enormous advantage. I mean, it's so simple really...I mean, you cannot...you cannot ever be inside another substance as you are inside you're own body, and that is the advantage that I want to make the most use of as possible. So, when I'm standing, or in a particular position for a pose, it's simply a concentration where I am attempting to unite my physical and mental self, into that...into that total form."

So you mean all I'd have to do is be completely honest, but leave out the "plus, I find it kind of hot" part? ;-)

I can imagine in another world, one where I'm a little more courageous, doing a similar set of pieces involving being bound or encased and functioning temporarily as various objects, with an artist statement saying something like that it's a "commentary on the objectification of women in society." Maybe I could even figure out some angle to put on the art where my statement wouldn't even be the usual BS so many fine artists tell. Bondage art for feminism, wouldn't that be brilliant? ;-)

A few weeks after playing with my friend SK, I met up with another friend (who I'll call MB), who I'd been chatting with for awhile via Yahoo after similarly meeting him on CollarMe.com. Unlike SK, MB hadn'nt had a lot of real-world experience with bondage -- he'd read up on various things, and practiced tying rope on himself to get the hang of it, but had yet to actually have the opportunity to play with anyone. After chatting quite a bit, I decided to volunteer to help him gain some experience by being a test-dummy/mannequin for him to try out some various things on. ^_^

One of the things he'd been most looking forward to trying on someone for the longest time was a rope harness/bikini, so we decided to try that out first. For me, this was only my second time having a harness tied on me (the first being just a few weeks earlier with SK), but this time I encountered a surprise. When SK had tied his harness on me, I'm not sure I ever had much of an opportunity to put my arms down while it was on (my hands being tied over my head most of the time, if I'm remembering correctly)...this time, however, MB had me put my arms down once the upper harness was all securely fastened...and oh my! When I put my arms down, the rope above and below my breasts became taught...putting slight but constant pressure on my breasts, making them not only quite firm, but fairly sensative. o_o

He also made it into a full bikini, having rope go between my legs (though with my bottom still on). My wrists were then tied behind my back, attached to the harness so that I couldn't really do much with them at all. With this tickling between my legs, my breasts feeling extra sensative, and my hands unavailable to do much about it, I was feeling *so* turned on...and having trouble standing, lol.

He, too, had clothespins, but one of them kept falling off...and in doing so, wearing out the one nipple faster than the other. We also kinda wore the nipples out too far, to that point where they start stinging a bit...which tends to not be as fun for me. But what can ya do?

The second thing we tried came out of just sitting around idley chatting. I sat in his computer chair while he sat on his bed, and while twisting side to side in the chair I started just sort of thinking out loud about what would be an amusing scenario to attempt the way the chair is built. Here's what we did:

We start with me sitting in the chair normally, feet flat on the floor. First, I pull my legs up under the seat of the chair, using my hands to hold my ankles in place while he fastens the ankles with rope to the underside of each armrest (where the armrests attach to the seat). I made a point to lift them up high enough that I would not be able to reach the wheel-base with my feet (so that I could be spun in any direction, without having the ability to use my toes to stop myself ;-)).

If I'm recally correctly, I also had a top harness on again, continuing to make my breasts nice and sensative (though the nipples themselves didn't have much left in them for another workout). My hands were then tied behind my back, behind the backrest. (It took some adjusting before he figured out a way to get things so I was unable to lean forward and wiggle my arms out, but he worked it out eventually. ;-)) Then, we added a makeshift blindfold (using my shirt or something, I think, lol).

The beautiful thing about this setup is that not only was I completely immobile -- rendered essentially armless and legless, with chest full exposed -- but if the top so desired, I could easily be moved by him wherever he wanted. A repositional Object existing for his amusement. ^_^

And the blindfold accentuates the feeling of objectness, taking away my ability to see what's going to happen next, or even tell where in the room I am, lol. We also attempted a makeshift gag (I love the idea of gags in bondage, adding to the feeling of being an object by stripping me of the ability to communicate), but it didn't work so well, alas.

But overall, the chair was a wonderfully fun time. He thankfully went easy on the nipples as it was apparent they were worn out, heh...the best was probably when he would lightly massage a whole breast, with his palm...it felt sooo niiice... *sigh* Lol.

We were joking later about an amusing fantasy scenerio, where bound up like that plus a hood tied to my head, I might be wheeled over into the TV room...where I would be left sitting near the couch while the top watched TV...only turning his attention to me during commercials, where he'd use me to keep himself entertained until the break was over. ;-)

Taking it to the next level even, imagine adding earplugs under the hood...total sensory deprivation. I'd have no hint at all when the next commercial break was coming...until suddenly feeling myself being touched. ;-)

I'm not sure if I'd written about it previously, or only talked about it with a few friends in IM, but one thing that's been on my mind ever since I started acknowledging and exploring this part of me the subject of objectification. In particular, the seeming contradiction that I am offended by the objectification of women in society, yet simultaneously in a certain context am attracted to *literal* objectification. Which actually really bothered me for awhile. I was having a hard time figuring out just what it was about the version that I did like, and the version I didn't...and felt really wrong that I supported any type of objectification.

But relatively recently, I've sort of come to terms with it, and have actually managed to figure out just what the difference is between the two. It's so simple, actually, I'm surprised it took me as long as it did.

The difference between the two, is that one is consensual objectification, and the other is nonconsensual. Consensual objectification is like when I have essentially *given permission* from someone to objectify me (treat/refer to me as an object), and is usually primarily by good friends of mine. Being objectified for me is okay in that context (and even erotic to an extent ;-)). When it becomes not okay is when a complete stranger does so, in a context that I am not comfortable with (for example: in professional life, etc.). The one form of objectification can sometimes turn me on...the other very much gets under my skin.

That is not to say that the only form of consensual objectification is one where a person *verbally* gives permission. There are some ways in which a person has unspokenly allowed themselves to be objectified. For example, a model posing for Playboy, and erotic magazine where the women are fully aware they are going to be objectified by appearing in there. They are aware of the context their photos are going to be used in, and thus have consented to being objectified.

The problem comes in when people are unable to see that difference, and in particular people who are unable to see the opposite sex as equal human beings, thinking of them first and formost as pretty objects to be gazed at. Prizes to be won. Or taken. It's okay to admire a person's beauty, of course, or to critique one's look -- we all do that to some extent, whether consciously or not. But when I have issue with it is when it becomes disrespectful to a person, viewing them as a pretty object first, as decoration, and a human being second. (I keep thinking about a particular instance I came across on a popular comic book news site: a woman was announced as the new Editor In Chief of a particular company, and included a publicity-style photo of her. The reaction of a handful of immature males was "wow, and she's hot too!") I allow a friends to refer to me as an object in particular contexts, I know that they that on a core level, they still acknowledge me as a person -- a thinking being -- and respect me. Being respected is very important to me.

Anyways, so those are my ramble-y thoughts on the topic...I'm still working out for myself the fine differences between the two -- in what contexts it's okay, and what contexts it's not. Thoughts? Comments?

Just to warn you, the following entry might deal with a little more heavy subject matter than I usually post here.

The next morning after I posted that RP log, I was thinking a little bit about how some of the interests I talk about here tend to scare me somewhat. They scare me for a few reasons, one being that they seem so abnormal to me, and another being that, in a different context, a number of these are things I'd never want to actually happen to me.

For example, in that RP log (hopefully you've already read it, because I don't want to ruin the surprise ;-)) there's a point where the character has the arms removed from her android body. In the context of a temporary situation that can later be undone, being armless kind of fascinates me. Like, what would that *feel* like? Not being able to feel something that was there only moments ago. The torso feeling lighter, suddenly freed of that weight. The mindfuck of no longer having those useful limbs at ones disposal...and the further mindfuck of perhaps seeing those limbs set down off to the side. Those ideas tickle my brain for reasons I don't entirely understand. If there were a way to experience that on just a completely temporary basis, I would be extremely fascinated to try.

On the other hand, in the context of something permanent and irreversable would be beyond devastating. My arms - and in particular, my hands - mean the world to me. For one thing, art is my life. Being unable to draw is unimaginably depressing to me. Add in being unable to play guitar, or even use a mouse or keyboard...losing my arms would mean losing my will to live.

This is only one such example - there are so many things I can think of that on a temporary level appeal to me in a kinky sort of way...but that if made permanent (or in some cases, if even brought into the realm of reality) would be the worst thing ever.

I was particularly contemplative and disturbed last night, after watching Million Dollar Baby for the first time.

( Movie SPOILERS Follow - Just Giving You A Warning )

I wish I'd typed this up earlier, because now so many little details have faded on me...I meant to type this up weeks ago, but kept putting it off because I knew it'd get long. But basically, not long after my writing up my previous mummification bondage experience, the two of us had the opportunity to explore a little further.

( Read More... )

(This is really, like, two entry subjects put together, and so ended up twice as long as I'd intended. Hope I don't bore anyone to death. ;-P)

I quit television a few years ago. A bad habit, y'know. ;-) I'd come to realize that there were very few shows that I'd really miss if I gave up television ("The Daily Show" being one of them...*sigh*), but that anytime I would sit in front of a TV - even if there was nothing remotely good on - I'd still spend a few hours watching absolute junk. Even aware that it's junk, but still sitting there. It's amazing the hold TV can have, y'know? They've mastered the art of keeping your brain constantly stimulated enough so that you never leave. ;-) So when I moved off to college, I didn't even bother setting up the TV.

But this entry isn't meant to be a rant about TV. The tangent above is just to say that I don't watch it very often anymore. I pretty much only watch it when at friends' or families' houses. So if I mention a show or something I saw on TV as if it were new, and you've already been aware of it for quite some time, you know where I'm coming from. ;-)

So I was at a friends' place several weeks ago, and happened to catch part of a recent episode of The Surreal Life season 4. Another one of those "this is dumb, but I want to see what happens next" shows, where a group of friends watching it together can have discussions on these washed-up celebrities as they watch.

I wasn't extremely interested in the show...but suddenly I caught a glimpse of something that definately grabbed my attention. They showed a little clip from a past episode (or a preview of a future episode? I don't remember clearly) where one of the stars volunteered to have sushi served on her body, to the rest of the cast.
( Read On... )