Hello, I am known as K-8 (aka "conscious_object"). Here I keep a fetish blog with a (skewed) sense of humor. Contained herein you will find my various random thoughts on my unique fetishes, and interesting finds culled from all over the intarweb, including art by my friends, and sometimes my own art.

Note: You do not need to have a Livejournal account in order to reply to an entry, as I have "anonymous posting" enabled. Just make sure to sign your name at the bottom, or I'll have no idea which comments are yours.

So much happened these previous two days, I'm honestly not sure I'll be able to remember all the details. Particularly bits when I was in maybe a foggier headspace, heh. And for sure, I might get the order of some parts mixed up. But I'll try my best. ;-)


A friend who goes by the name Cat has been keeping a fun bondage-centric journal at catbondage (which he tells me he was inspired to start after reading my own ^_^). In one entry, he was talking about how he's long had an interest in bondage and a fascination with total power exchange, but questioning if he'd really have the desire to ever do the "master" thing in reality. And then one day he had a realization:

"This spring I was at an introduction to shibari class, and at one point we had tied rope on the front of our partner, and the next step was to tie the rope up their back. In a bit of humor the instructor said, "so if you're a dom top, at this point you tell your submissive to turn around, and if you're a service top, you go around to the other side". And I had a bit of a lightbulb go off, and I thought, "oh, I'm a service top!"

Because I've always been a builder, a doer. I build projects, I write software, I implement. I don't get a thrill myself out of someone being compliant... if I'm going to tie someone up, if they've given me permission to tie them up, I don't care what they do. They can struggle or be resistant or try to escape or beat me off me off or just stand there, it doesn't matter: I am going to tie them up and make them helpless."

A month ago I was reading a story over in consciousobject's journal, and at one point the protagonist asked the inventor, "do you think we could use [your invention] to try out some other fantasies of mine?". I commented that when I read that, I thought, "you know, that's what I want. I want to be an implementor of fantasies"."

I thought that was really cool, commenting how "people like that seem so hard to find, at least on BDSM personals. "Service top," I like that, hehe. I just want to find someone who enjoys tying girls up, who loves that I love them tying me up, without the whole 'serving' thing. ;-P" Cat had been thinking doing a little traveling, and I guess at that moment he decided he should make this one of his stops, lol.

And so this became the final stop on his planned trip (so that there wouldn't be a rush to get off to the next destination). The idea being to meet up and chat a bit, and then if feeling sufficiently comfortable with the other, finding a place to have some bondage fun. The only slight difficulty being that my roommates aren't kinky, and Cat was staying in a hostel, so I'd probably have to find a hotel room or something.

Before arriving in town, he sent an email to give a heads-up. At the bottom of the message, he included this silly extra bit, referencing my "DomBot" entry:

"*beep*

Thank you for shopping Bondorobo! We thought you might like to know that your order of one (1) Bondage-Bot has shipped and is due to arrive at the Barnes and Noble in [city] at 12 noon. Your Bondage-Bot comes equipped with a full range of bondage gear for your enjoyment. However, if you are dissatisfied with your Bondage-Bot for any reason, please return it for a full refund. Here at Bondorobo, we aim to please!"

Just had to post that...it was too silly. ;-)

We initially met up at the cafe of B and N, but there ended up being so many people in the area that day, being so library-quiet, it felt to me like everything we said would be overheard even if we tried to whisper. So I suggested relocating to the food court at the mall, where as expected we were able to talk quite loudly without much worry, drowned out by the sounds around us.

After chatting for awhile and being able to determine that the other isn't a weirdo crazy person or anything (just two weirdo bondage fans?), we retired off to find a location to have some bondage fun. I had never done this hotel-just-for-some-place-private thing before, so it was kind of weird for me. Even moreso, the most affordable place in the area ended up being not a hotel but a motel...I'm actually not sure if I've ever stayed in a motel before, lol. But once we had a room and were settled, I got over the initial awkwardness fairly quickly. And it ended up being a decent enough place (though I hear the shower had some problems).

Then he brought out his bag filled with various possible toys to play with (including lots of rope). I don't have much in the way of bondage toys myself, but did bring along a bag with my catsuit and zentai suits, for him to choose from if he desired ("do you want the bot? the ragdoll?" heh).

I wasn't really entirely sure what to expect from the day. The snippets of experiences I've read on his blog don't really talk much about any sort of sensation play or how clothed the people were that he's been able to practice tying up so far. Knowing he's read enough of my blog to have gotten a fairly clear idea of what sorts of what I do or don't go for, I'd kind of decided to myself (not openly stated, just in my thoughts) that I'd leave it up to him how comfortable he was as far as my level of undress and types of sensation play, if any. For all I knew, we might end up just sitting around chatting while I'm tied up in various ways.

All I can say is, was I in for a surprise!

( Continue Reading... )

Kind of a delayed reaction, but for whatever reason I'd been sort of putting off for awhile now writing entries that I knew would involve actual thought to write. ;-P

Three or four weeks ago two different friends pointed me to that week's installment of "Savage Love" by Dan Savage, where he addresses a question about a hypno fetish. The three letters and answers that follow it are a little more silly, but the first one I found relevant enough to this blog to post about here, with my own additional thoughts:

I'm an early-20s gay guy turned on by hypnosis. During my adolescent explorations of the internet, I found a site with stories about "mind control," usually involving the seduction of straight men. I was hooked. I'm not beating myself up for being a "bad person," because my desire to try this in real life is nil for reasons of its impossibility (true hypnosis is something different and I am effectively fantasizing about magic) and immorality (sex without consent is rape). For the latter reason especially, I'm rather uncomfortable with my "addiction" to this fantasy.

Apart from the fact that this suggests I may have some serious sexual-control issues, I was wondering if you had any ideas for weaning yourself from a fantasy. This is not something I'm interested in "accepting." My attempts at incorporating alternate fantasies into my repertoire have failed.

--Stop Thinking About That


Sexual-control issues? Sure, STAT, you've got some of those. But serious sexual-control issues? Hardly.

A desire to sexually control others, or be sexually controlled by others, is at the root of almost all sexual fantasies and fetishes, from foot fetishes to goop fetishes to BDSM. So there's no need to feel like a freak, okay? And you're clearly not a bad person, as you recognized on your own that your particular sexual-control fantasy is immoral (sex without consent is rape) and impossible (hypnosis doesn't work that way). So cut yourself some slack.

Reading your letter, some folks will blame the internet for your predicament. There you were, minding your own business, beating off in front of your computer, when a hypno-fetish site seized your screen and took over your sex life. That's not how it works. Running across that hypno porn didn't instill in you a desire to sexually control others, STAT; it tapped into a desire for sexual control that was already there. A desire to sexually control others was already part of your erotic imagination; that hypno site just lit your fuse.

The only way to wean yourself from your hypno fetish now, STAT, is to accept your bedrock fantasy, which is sexual control, and explore other ways of indulging it. I suspect the "alternate fantasies" you attempted to incorporate into your sex life didn't include aspects of sexual control, which would explain why your efforts failed. You won't move your fantasies away from hypno until you find something that satisfies those bedrock desires for sexual control. So find yourself a guy who wants to be controlled, which isn't that hard to do, and explore dom/sub role-play or bondage or S&M with him, and your hypno fetish may fade away.

Finally, STAT, there are lots of guys out there who fantasize about being hypnotized and seduced—it's too bad you've ruled them out as sex partners.

I was glad to have pointed to this for several reasons, particularly that I can relate to an extent with the person's uncomfortableness with their fetish, and appreciated Savage's informed, thoughtful response of "it's not as uncommon as you think, don't worry too much about it." I also thought it was fascinating (from an intellectual standpoint) hearing an example of a gay man's erotic fantasy, since I hetero fantasies seem much more common to read about.

It also got me thinking about the possible connection to his particular "rape fantasy" and the societal pressure that exists out there towards homosexuals. For example, some time ago I was reading up a little on the existence of female rape fantasies, and potential theories as to the "why." One idea that seemed quite plausible to me, is that it's down to societal pressure women encounter growing up, the stereotype of their being essentially two "types" of woman: the whore and the virgin. You're either sweet and innocent, or a promiscuous slut (whereas guys are never looked down upon -- and in fact are able to brag with other guys -- about how much sex they've had...unless they're doing it after they're married). What a rape fantasy allows, is for the woman to experience sexual pleasure in their fantasy, while being able to avoid seeming sex-crazed by making the sex not under their control. Does that make sense?

And of course, few women who harbor rape fantasies actually want to be raped in reality. The fantasy may be of unconsensual sex, but because it's all taking place in the woman's head, she is ultimately still the one in control. To paraphrase an thought I once read elsewhere: if she chose to follow up the rape by transforming into a large creature and devouring the rapist, that'd be completely within her capability, because it's *her fantasy.*

So I wonder if this person's particular variation on a rape fantasy similarly has to do with societal pressure (in this case, the constant barrage of indications growing up that being gay is "wrong"). A fantasy wherein a "straight" man is made to have gay sex via mind-control would allow someone to have sex with another man, without having to deal with any of the societal guilt of doing it of your own volition...because it was out of your control.

I don't know for sure if that might be the case with this particular individual (or even whether he'd be consciously aware that was the case), but I couldn't help but see some possible parallels there.

It also gets me thinking about some of my other fetishes, and how a connection could be made between them and discomfort with myself. My interest in transformation likely has a lot to do with body issues. And then there's my interest in being bound or otherwise firmly controlled during sexual acts, which might be partially related to whore/virgin dichotomy theory thing, but I can also see a strong connection just to my basic thoughts on sexuality in general growing up. In particular: that I grew up very Conservative Christian.

And it's not like Conservative-brand Christianity was strongly forced upon me or anything. I somehow ended up with more Conservative ideals than even my parents, at one point in junior high deciding that Halloween was an evil holiday and that I was not going to support it (and at one point even contemplated giving out little mini-Bible things instead of candy, though fortunately I never went through with that). I kid you not.

This conservativeness extended into thoughts on sex. My parents never told us (my siblings and I) that sex was bad or wrong, only that it was better to wait until marriage. Yet somehow I'd gotten it in my head that anything sexual was shameful or sinful before marriage...including *masturbation.* I don't think my parents ever discussed masturbation with us, so I have no idea how I came to this conclusion. But I definitely had this notion in my head that masturbation was, at the very least, dirty and shameful.

So maybe that's why I came to develop a fetish for being controlled? If I'm all bound up or mind-controlled and can't do anything about the sensations I'm receiving, then I never really had an active role in the pleasure...it wasn't of my doing. The only odd thing about control fantasies and fetishes, is this is the case (and if that was the case for the individual who wrote into Dan Savage), it's so odd how these things stick around even after a person has come to terms with their sexuality. For whatever reason, my control and bondage fantasies still hang around, and are the main thing that get me turned on. (Or have I just not come to *enough* acceptance yet...?)

I also wonder about *why* would the brain even carry such a function? What purpose does the development of fetishes serve? Not to mention, why do only some people develop fetishes who may've had a particular experience, and another with the same might not? (And also curious what sort of circumstances might lead to the development of fetishes for those whole like to be the control-er rather than control-ee.) The brain is a fascinating and confusing machine.

So have any of you ever noticed potential connections between fetishes or sexual interests with things encountered growing up? (I'd add "or am I just over-thinking things?", but I already know I have a tendency to do that. ;-P)

A year or so ago I'd posted a list of things I'd like to try...listed in no particular order, but if I'd numbered them, "vacuum bed" would've been at the top.

Just last week, I disocovered that this month's edition of Satyricon (a local BDSM munch-followed-by-educational-meeting group that has a different topic each month) was doing a vacuum bed demo!

Saturday April 14th, 2007
3:30 - 6:00 pm
Latex Vacuum Bed & Sensory Deprivation

Allan and cohorts will have a latex vacuum bed available for your amusement and titillation! We'll offer the chance to try one out and talk about how it relates to both sensory deprivation and extreme bondage such as mummification. Ever wondered what your food feels like when you put it in the Seal-A-Meal? Or wanted to see some sexy thang squirm inside a yummy latex shell? Mmm hmm, thought you had. So have we!

Hope to see you there!

I've rarely been able to make it to these meetings on account of being stuck at work on Saturdays, but this time I put some more effort into getting off. And still ended up not getting to the munch part until it was nearly over, but luckily didn't miss any of the meeting (after the public munch, the group drives to a different building where the private meeting is held).

There were only a half dozen or so people at the munch, but the meeting itself had closer to 30 people -- a slightly larger than average turn-out, I got the sense? While we did short introductions and a little discussion, the bed was set up. The frame was white tubing, and the latex a sort of half-and-half -- one side black latex, one side clear-ish latex -- with the frame inside, and a zipper going across the top and halfway down one side for people to get in and out.

They had the clear side up, with a hole placed where a person's head would go, so that you can breathe while inside. I'm not sure if the latex was reversable, where you could switch and have the black side up, because I assume that would mean both sides would have to have holes...and I don't know how you'd go about covering one in an air-tight manner.

Upon getting the bed and vacuum set up, they decided humorously to test it on a stuffed animal first, lol. Unfortunately, you can't get an air-tight seal through the breathing whole with a stuffed animal the same way as with a person...I guess the air was passing straight through the stuffed animal from the breathing hole, making it impossible for the vacuum to suck all there air out.

After that, they opened the floor for volunteers. A woman who helps run the group, knowing that one particular guy in the crowd had displayed an interest in trying it, asked him if he wanted to be the first? But he suddenly seemed slightly shy, saying "I didn't realize there'd be so many people watching." I admit the idea of trying it out with all these people around made things a little more nervous...but I wasn't going to let it stop me, lol.

They asked if anyone else wanted to try? I offered that I very much wanted to...I just didn't want to go first. ;-) Fortunately, one of my friends from the munch earlier courageously volunteered to be the first. (And climbed in with the bear, which was particularly cute, lol).

Seeing the real deal right in front of you is so much more impressive than just the random pics online...I mean, seeing the person right there...seeing the movement, a person's stomach moving as they breathe, etc.

And the latex is so tight against the body, you get so much fine detail as to the shape of the figure inside. It was particularly interesting seeing what the vac bed does to the folds in clothing -- something you never see in photos because the models are usually wearing something skin tight (or nothing at all). It compacts the folds in jeans and pants in a way that makes it almost look akin to a sculpture, the way the folds look tight and shiny. Especially the shiny. ;-)

Then it was my turn. Suddenly the awareness of "so many people are watching" made me a little more nervous...but I was able to block it out for the most part. Took off my shoes, watch and glasses, and walked over. They were handing us little clear plastic tubes to put in our mouth, to have sticking out of the hole for breathing purposes (though with the right placement, you don't actually need a tube). So stuck this tube in my mouth and through the hole, and climbed in. Once situated, they zipped it closed, and started the vacuum.

I was only in there for a few minutes, but it was just as awesome as I thought it would be. I'm definately sold on needing to have one someday, lol. Owning one would largely make saran wrap mummification obsolete for the most part, I think.

It's a wild feeling. As the air is sucked out, you feel the two sheets hug your body. Tight enough to be nicely restricting, without feeling at all uncomfortable (at least for me). Out of curiousity I tried testing out how much movement I had (though not exerting *too* much force, since it's not my toy after all). You get a slight bit of movement, but generally stuck within the pose you were in when the bed was turned on...and you're automatically pulled back to you "default" position when you relax.

Before the demo had started, the person talking about the bed had mention that the one thing that tends to grate one some people's nerves is the loudness of the vacuum...some people will invest in a long hose so that they can have the vacuum outside the door, the muffle the noise. But I dunno, when I was in the bed, the nose didn't bother me one bit. In fact, it kind of added to the sensory deprivation aspect, since I couldn't really hear much...almost like white noise. I could hear at one point the guy was saying something, but only just barely, and I couldn't at all make it out.

The only thing I could hear is if someone right next to me spoke. The aforementioned woman-who-helps-run-the-group was also helping with the bed stuff, being the one to do the zipper, and also asking throughout if I was doing okay, etc. (unable to say much with the tube, I would just nod ;-)).

At one point she asked if it were okay to run her finger down my arm (*nod*), which felt interesting...just how clearly you can feel things through the latex. She (or someone else, I really have no idea, lol) then lightly touched my other arm (and with the noise, I didn't even hear it coming)...sensory deprivation can be so fun in that not-knowing-where-a-touch-will-come-next.

And then, after just a few minutes, the vacuum was turned off. Actually, I have no idea how long it was...I'd slightly lost track of time, but I'm sure it was only 2-5 minutes. However long, it wasn't nearly long enough, naturally. ;-) But my curiousity had been thoroughly satisfied, lol. As the zipper was undone, I climbed out, declaring my approval: "yeah, that was pretty rad."

I wish I had pics of it to show (well, and mostly just for my own curiousity)...but as it turns out, even if I'd had a camera, there is a very strict no-photography rule (to keep the space feeling comfortable for everyone, of course).

Naturally, the small taste only confirmed how much I knew I'd dig it, and left me wanting more. Hopefully I'll get a chance to use one as part of an actual scene one of these days.

In the meantime, suppose I need to redo my "list of things to try" sometime, eh? ;-)

Last Thursday I had some long-overdue bondage fun. It'd been nearly four months since I'd last had a bondage scene with anyone, so when my switch friend "WK" (the same friend I went to the Bondage Ball with) offered some saran wrap mummification (a rarity, since it takes so much work on a dom/top's part), I jumped at the chance.

Leading up to the day-of, we discussed various things we'd like to try, as well as browsing the wonderful mummification gallery hosted by Gromet's for ideas. We quickly discovered that we were both very much on the same wave-length as far as what we were wanting to go for.

The original plan was to do a mix of saran wrap and duct tape, but some mis-steps on both our parts kinda knocked the duct tape out of the equation -- by the time we went out to gather supplies, the local hardware store where we were going to get the tape was already closed...and I didn't remember until after-the-fact that I still had some spare rolls of saran left over from a previous go, and also had a roll of duct tape somewhere that I could've brought. Forgetful me...but at least I remembered my digital camera... ;-)

In the end we went with electrical tape, which worked pretty well as a substitute, even if we couldn't use as much (we grabbed the last three little rolls at this nearby store).

Before going into the main mummification event, we decided to experiment with some pet play-type bondage, inspired by the amazing "Stumped" Insex vid that's floating around out there. Basically, tying upper arms to lower arms and upper legs to lower legs, so that the person is left with four "stumpy" little limbs to walk around on like a pet, lol. I don't hugely get into pet play, but was highly curious what this might be like, hehe.

Sitting on his bed, my arms were tied first, wrapped in layers of saran and then made extra tight with the tape. Then I layed back and my legs were similarly tied. Some towels were placed over the elbows and knees to provide padding.

Unfortunately, the tape on the arms had been done a little too tightly, and my hands were starting to feel a little numb (my right hand especially). So my arms were freed, and then tied again, a little more loosely this time but still firmly bound.

Once it was all done, I set about exploring it a bit. "Standing up" on the bed, trying to slowly climb down from the bed by myself (back first so I wouldn't land on my face if I slipped, lol), walking around a little on the floor, etc.

How about a few photos? Of course, carefully chosen to be ones where my face is largely obscured or difficult to make out, lol.

( OMG Pictures! )

Saturday I went to an "exploratorium" held by a local BDSM group. It was basically an event where a handful of experts kinksters set up stations to demo their expertise, allowing people to check out each station and explore some things (hence the name).

The event was a fairly small and low-key thing, resulting in the stations being thankfully uncrowded. There were six stations set up: 1) electro-play, 2) misc. toys for sensation-play, 3) canes, 4) whips, 5) floggers, and 6) shibari (Japanese rope bondage). My favorite, of course, was that last one. ^_^

So I made my way over to the shibari table first. He had a couple books with some very cool photos of various fun shibari scenes and such which I paged through, and he also had all sorts of rope for demonstration purposes (and an assistant, wearing a shirt with the words "Rope Slut" hehe). I wasn't really sure what to ask, to I mostly just listened to others have their questions answered.

Not wanting to linger in one area too long, I decided to wander over to the electro-play, the only other area there that remotely interested me. I'm not huge into pain, so canes and whips and things I tend to stay away from...but some lighter electro things seem like they could be kinda fun. He demonstrated various things, such as a violet wand, and the different bulbs that can be placed in for different effects. I tended to wait for others to touch it first, and judge from reactions which ones would be too much for me.

One of the other interesting toys he had was a laptop hooked up to a blindfold that looks like a pair of sunglasses. Inside are LED-looking lights. And also hooked up to the laptop is a box for electricity, which special sticky pads can be hooked into...and then these pads are stuck onto your skin. What happens then is, a music file can be played on the laptop, and the sound gets interpreted as light patterns in the glasses, as well as shocks via the pads on your skin. So as you're shocked, your muscles start twitching and things...to the beat of the music, as you get an interesting lightshow going on through your eyelids (you have to keep your eyes closed while it's on).

After watching someone else try it out first, I decided to be adventurous and see how it was. He asked if I'd ever heard of this or that group, some fairly obscure-sounding things, to which I mentioned I listen mostly to rock. He says he has some Who, AC/DC... I thought The Who sounded like an interesting idea. And yeah, "Won't Get Fooled Again" gave an interesting lightshow.

And let me tell you, you'll never be more aware of the soft/loud dynamics in a song than when those dynamics are being interpreted into softer or harder shocks of electricity, lol. For demonstration purposes, he placed pads only on people's arms...but suggested breasts and things might be interesting places to put them. I can only imagine...being tied up, being bombarded with sound and light and sensation...the latter two playing off of the former.

Also, while he had the music playing through speakers so everyone could hear, the demo-subject was also listening through headphones. The effect is almost like sensory deprivation, being unable to hear or see anything going on arround you...except that at the same time you're being bombarded with sensory information. Would definately be something fun to combine with bondage.

And back to bondage...after trying out the electro machine thing, I decided to head back over to the shibari station, and continue listening/watching. Apparently while I'd been in Who-land, one of the girls there had been tied fairly snuggly, with numerous ropes wrapped around her horizontally. Her arms were stuck snuggly at her sides, but she was still able to walk freely. The idea, I guess, with all the rope, was to give her a wonderfully cozy/snug feeling of just the tightness of the ropes, almost like a body hug...I was so jealous, hehe. And in return, she had business cards listing the guy's website (www.ropecast.net, for anyone interested) placed in her cleavage for people to take...transformed into a mobile business card dispenser of sorts. ;-)

Wandering back to the shibari table, I watched him demonstrate a nice rope harness on another girl, with her arms tied behind her back while acting as an interesting sort of push-up bra in the front. He took a few pics with his digital camera to email her later (after asking, of course, and making sure not to get anyone else in the picture), and then let her stay in the harness and wander about a little to take it in fully.

I'd been too shy to ask to try anything out earlier, but after seeing that built up the courage. He asks what I'd like to try, and I'm like "well, I'm not sure..." -- ever decisive, lol. He decides on something similar to that last harness, but different.

However, just as he's begun, one of the organizers mentions to him that they want to wrap everything up in the next 10 minutes. Perfect timing on my part, eh? ;-P Well, he gave it a good try, attempting a slightly rushed thing, but unfortunately it didn't come out as great as I think he would've liked...for one, it wasn't really binding at all (after he snapped a couple of pics, I broke out of it fairly quickly), and as he said himself really mostly functioned just to look kinda pretty, hehe. Alas.

But yeah...was overall a fun experience. :-)

A few weeks after playing with my friend SK, I met up with another friend (who I'll call MB), who I'd been chatting with for awhile via Yahoo after similarly meeting him on CollarMe.com. Unlike SK, MB hadn'nt had a lot of real-world experience with bondage -- he'd read up on various things, and practiced tying rope on himself to get the hang of it, but had yet to actually have the opportunity to play with anyone. After chatting quite a bit, I decided to volunteer to help him gain some experience by being a test-dummy/mannequin for him to try out some various things on. ^_^

One of the things he'd been most looking forward to trying on someone for the longest time was a rope harness/bikini, so we decided to try that out first. For me, this was only my second time having a harness tied on me (the first being just a few weeks earlier with SK), but this time I encountered a surprise. When SK had tied his harness on me, I'm not sure I ever had much of an opportunity to put my arms down while it was on (my hands being tied over my head most of the time, if I'm remembering correctly)...this time, however, MB had me put my arms down once the upper harness was all securely fastened...and oh my! When I put my arms down, the rope above and below my breasts became taught...putting slight but constant pressure on my breasts, making them not only quite firm, but fairly sensative. o_o

He also made it into a full bikini, having rope go between my legs (though with my bottom still on). My wrists were then tied behind my back, attached to the harness so that I couldn't really do much with them at all. With this tickling between my legs, my breasts feeling extra sensative, and my hands unavailable to do much about it, I was feeling *so* turned on...and having trouble standing, lol.

He, too, had clothespins, but one of them kept falling off...and in doing so, wearing out the one nipple faster than the other. We also kinda wore the nipples out too far, to that point where they start stinging a bit...which tends to not be as fun for me. But what can ya do?

The second thing we tried came out of just sitting around idley chatting. I sat in his computer chair while he sat on his bed, and while twisting side to side in the chair I started just sort of thinking out loud about what would be an amusing scenario to attempt the way the chair is built. Here's what we did:

We start with me sitting in the chair normally, feet flat on the floor. First, I pull my legs up under the seat of the chair, using my hands to hold my ankles in place while he fastens the ankles with rope to the underside of each armrest (where the armrests attach to the seat). I made a point to lift them up high enough that I would not be able to reach the wheel-base with my feet (so that I could be spun in any direction, without having the ability to use my toes to stop myself ;-)).

If I'm recally correctly, I also had a top harness on again, continuing to make my breasts nice and sensative (though the nipples themselves didn't have much left in them for another workout). My hands were then tied behind my back, behind the backrest. (It took some adjusting before he figured out a way to get things so I was unable to lean forward and wiggle my arms out, but he worked it out eventually. ;-)) Then, we added a makeshift blindfold (using my shirt or something, I think, lol).

The beautiful thing about this setup is that not only was I completely immobile -- rendered essentially armless and legless, with chest full exposed -- but if the top so desired, I could easily be moved by him wherever he wanted. A repositional Object existing for his amusement. ^_^

And the blindfold accentuates the feeling of objectness, taking away my ability to see what's going to happen next, or even tell where in the room I am, lol. We also attempted a makeshift gag (I love the idea of gags in bondage, adding to the feeling of being an object by stripping me of the ability to communicate), but it didn't work so well, alas.

But overall, the chair was a wonderfully fun time. He thankfully went easy on the nipples as it was apparent they were worn out, heh...the best was probably when he would lightly massage a whole breast, with his palm...it felt sooo niiice... *sigh* Lol.

We were joking later about an amusing fantasy scenerio, where bound up like that plus a hood tied to my head, I might be wheeled over into the TV room...where I would be left sitting near the couch while the top watched TV...only turning his attention to me during commercials, where he'd use me to keep himself entertained until the break was over. ;-)

Taking it to the next level even, imagine adding earplugs under the hood...total sensory deprivation. I'd have no hint at all when the next commercial break was coming...until suddenly feeling myself being touched. ;-)

I've been meaning to write about my more recent real-life experiences, but keep getting side-tracked and distracted, heh. Anyways, here's my first one (finally).

Towards the end of college, I'd been thinking about beginning to explore the local BDSM community, but had been to busy (and shy ^_^) to really do so while still in school. Recently I moved to a new city, now that I'm out of college...and somehow found the courage to take this opportunity to finally explore the local community *here.*

But first, I began by searching online. I decided to try out the whole BDSM personals thing, and have actually had some some great luck using CollarMe.com (probably my favorite of all the BDSM personals sites I've looked at). Case in point -- one of the earliest people from this area to contact me is a great, friendly guy who is pretty active in the local community, who I'll refer to as SK (since this journal is really more about me than about the tops I play with, I figure I'll keep people anonymous for the time being...unless they expressedly want the credit ^_^). It became clear fairly quickly in our text exchanges that he was very intelligent and thoughtful (sadly a rarity on BDSM personals, which might become the topic of a future entry ;-P), so we decided to meet up for a bite to eat, and some play. ^_^

After chatting over food at a restaurant, we headed over to his place. He introduced me to his cute slavegirl, but I was feeling kinda shy and didn't say much, lol. After showing me around the house a little, he lead me downstairs. It was the first time I'd ever been in anything that actually visually resembled a BDSM dungeon before. Trying to take it all in, it didn't entirely feel "real" to me...that I was actually there...with the mix of wonder, excitement, and nervousness.

We'd chatted enough before even meeting up that he had a pretty good understanding of what sort of things do and don't interest me. He understands that I'm not naturally submissive in "regular" life, but explained that while in-scene he does expect a degree of obedience from me, as far as following commands and such. The commands thing took (and takes, lol) some getting used to for me, but I was completely fine with trying my best for him in this situation.

The commands he showed me primarily involved taking certain poses...this command means sit in this position, this command means put your arms like this, etc. Thinking along the lines of android-ish type roleplay, you could almost make the comparison to being programmed, taking one of a handful of standard poses when a word is given. Though I don't think that particular idea came to me until afterwards, heh.

Would be something potentially fun to try with hypnosis, though...automatically taking a pose without a thought, and being "stuck" that way even if I want to *try* and escape from it. ^_^

I sat in a kneeling position, and while we chatted some more, he slowly took off clothes and set them aside (though for my comfort we agreed my bottom stayed on). He then had me stand up, with my arms up, and began tying a rope harness. I started getting arroused just from the feeling of it...but at the same time, noticed a hint of something feeling not quite right. Not related at all to the situation itself, but rather with my body...my stomach feeling kind of weird...kind of tight. But for the time being, I ignored it...and it seemed to go away.

Once the harness was all tied, he instructed me to walk forward...and then yanked on the harness after I took a few steps, stopping me in my tracks. Which was quite amusing, hehe. He then tied my wrists, and put a blindfold over my eyes. He led me over to a spot in the room, and began tying my wrists to a hook in the ceiling, also tying my ankles or knees or something (I no longer remember -- really wish I'd written this sooner, when it was most fresh in my mind) to hooks towards the ground, keeping me from being able to move much in any direction. And then placed clothespins on my nipples, and started playing with them... ^_^

Unfortunately, about this time, that weird feeling I first noticed came back...I started feeling kind of dizzy, and my stomach getting all tight again. I asked for some water, my mouth feeling kind of dry, and took some slow deep breaths, in hopes that'd calm it down...but it soon became apparent the scene was going to have to end (as much fun as I'd been having up to this point), as the realization hit me that the way my stomach was feeling, I might be throwing up soon.

But by the time I realized what that feeling meant, it was too late...I turned my head and out it came. I was mortified. Here is this guy kind enough to treat me to some fun, and I go and throw up on his floor. I felt *so* embarrassed, and was apologizing profusely while he went about quickly freeing me, and assuring me that it was alright.

I was already feeling a lot better physically almost before I was completely free. Once untied, I quickly cleaned it up. There wasn't at all as much as I'd thought there'd been, actually...it was just a tiny spot.

He guided me over to the matress just outside the dungeon doorway, and had me lay down. He took much care in making sure I was relaxed, and fanned me over. It felt quite nice...though I remained slightly preoccupied with wondering just what had happened. I'm *still* not sure, to be honest. I wonder if I just ate too much at the restaurant just before? Didn't wait long enough after eating? I don't know.

Anyways, after laying and chatting some, we decided to make another go of it. This time, he decided to have me lay down, tying me to a bench while I layed on my back. Once again there was a blindfold...and clothespins, hehe. My nipples are still fairly inexperienced when it comes to this level of play, so rather than focus too much attention on them and burn them out right away, he eventually took the clothespins off...and took out some rather intimdating-looking claws (pulling up my blindfold for just a moment to make sure I had a chance to see them)!

I'm not much for fear-based edge-play or mindfuck, so when he told me to try and keep still while he lightly dragged these across me because they're quite sharp, I was just a bit tense for awhile and looking forward to this being overwith, lol. But as it went on, I realized fairly quickly that he was very experienced with these and that I could trust him enough to not worry about him cutting me. Because, you see, the point of the claws isn't necessarily to draw blood (though they could be used in that manner)...rather, when lightly dragged across the skin, it creates a ticklish sensation. And I'm not typically very ticklish, so something like this is about the only way I *can* be easily tickled, lol.

But yet so tough, knowing how easy it would be still to get cut. As I trusted him more, I gradually relaxed and allowed myself to squirm more...but still had to hold back to some degree, as I didn't want to make things too difficult for him. So wanting to squirm uncontrollably, yet having to still maintain some degree of control...so hard. ;-P

Especially since, the longer he did it, the more sensative my skin seemed to get...each pass feeling more intense than the last. And being blindfolded, I was that much more focused on the sensations...the touches on my skin being the only thing I could "see," and my never knowing where the next touch was going to be. It was wonderful...and exhausting, seeming to go on forever. I honestly have no clue how much time passed with me like that...could have been 10 minutes, could have been an hour, I have no idea.

(I'm also aware, in this state, that I'm making all sorts of silly noises, lol...which I get kind of self-conscious about, as I have no idea what they sound like to the other person, and if the other person finds them annoying or enjoys them or what. But I can't seem to help it...I just lose control and start making noises, lol. For that reason, I sometimes finding myself wishing I had a gag, just to maybe keep me from thinking as much about the noises I'm making...as well as, of course, enhancing the control aspect. ^_^)

His aftercare is exquisite. Having that matress outside the doorway is quite handy, allowing for us to lay back and relax, chatting and recuperating...and he very clearly puts thought into making sure his bottom is comfortable and feeling cared for after a scene. I think it's lost on a lot of people (both tops and bottoms) just how important the after-scene stuff can be.

A wonderful experience overall...can't wait to maybe do something with him again. :-)

I wish I'd typed this up earlier, because now so many little details have faded on me...I meant to type this up weeks ago, but kept putting it off because I knew it'd get long. But basically, not long after my writing up my previous mummification bondage experience, the two of us had the opportunity to explore a little further.

( Read More... )